A king with no crown.

I miss you almost every waking moment I won't deny, I wish you were closer, because I miss you ever so dearly and dangerously inside.

The air thick and hot without a glimpse of you near, not a note or sign of you to appear. 

Brisk is the mornings breath, sighing and freezing pulling you west, away from my nest, in my heart is a place for you beneath my breast. A living proof of patience, maybe lust, but all truth, you are the very tree to my roots. A perfect complex of smart and respect, with strength and wisdom non the less.

A desire of a thousand beings, a desert with one fountain, your the X on a treasure map, a beautiful human being that's a fact. 

A moment with you, one of a thousand precious breaths I take, with you there's no telling what the day could bring, your a beautiful individual out of a hundred million beings.

Your without the innocence of a child, weird and a little wild.

Just a bit like a king with no people or throne, no crown or kingdom to call your own.

 With your heart you acquire all that is great, maybe it was by mistake, but it could be one of fate.

It's true what goes up will most likely come down, but how could you fall. if your without kingdom or crown.

Untitled.

I leave every single time, regretfully allowing fear to lead a part of my life, one that should be explored without fear,and with curiosity, passion, excitement and mystery, I leave every single time with one thing on my mind, usually its racing, with questions, answers, riddles and puzzles I continually solve in a second, but I'm constantly running on the same track, at the same speed, and I'm finding its not quite working out for me. I leave every single time wishing I had the courage to speak the words that are scrambled about. Is it the timing, place or because I'm a scared little girl in a confident woman's body, I encourage others to do something which I have not mastered myself, I'm a hypocrite. We are hypocrites in a concrete jungle, etching our feelings into stone in turn allowing them to be forgotten, its easier to be cold then to feel anything at all, when we could act so big, why put ourselves at the mercy of looking so small. Ill paint on my makeup, jump into a pool of costumes, and dance in a summers eve, after all life is better, when its make believe.
I promised myself to be true to that only of myself, my intuition at a high, I still let fear be the one to steer, its such a shame, how I'm loosing at my own game.

Time.

Our mind is our center, it controls every part of us. My mind is saying that I shouldn't let someone in, I've been trained and become accustomed to automatically assume that the other is going to hurt me or won't want to be with me. Its fare to say that I may think a little too much, and over analyze some minor details, but I believe they are natural human in stinks, to protect yourself, I'd like to think I'm doing so.
Love has conquered many hard tasks, some impossible to overcome by oneself. We gain victory by multiplying our numbers, but rarely see the beauty in just one other.
Time is what we have, so to say, but if time were to become currency, time will be the only thing we would desire, admire, and even kill for.
Time should be used wisely, and with conscious effort to fully be alive with it.
When I'm with him, my time feels as if it will last forever or longer if possible. When I'm with him I feel as though I need not think of any other. Simply all I ever need is wrapped up in this beautiful person, who's only task is to make me happy, and give me all the time in the world.

Last goodbye.

Torn from a world of passive truth, designed specially for failure and self contempt.
You tore apart the best of me, my soul is bruised, my days darkened by your presence.

Precious time wasted on your lies, in my despair. You skinned me of my innocence, scorned me for my happiness,
 but you wont break me down, its has taken me higher off the ground.
 Its your fault, im super nova bound.
The heat, a self induced fiery tomb i became content in.  A deep pool of boiling thoughts bound to erupt at any givin point. Like a volcano, building up till its too much to control.
 When the time to let go arises, theres panic and confusion, no one could have predicted the power of this exceptional illusion.
As the waters run dry, the nutrition of our plantations withered and forgotten.
Dont assume its powerful detail, water will rain from the sky, but its the fire that's first to arrive.
Ill send a thank you to the God's for sending me your way. I hate you and loath you every single day.
 The fire still burns, but its me who's had a lesson here to learn.
 If i has to be the one who is crucified, i wish you send me there with open eyes, that way ill sacrifice, so not to hear those sad lonely cries.
 Its time to move on, at least ive learned a lesson or two. For me, its my own truth.
 Alas alone in the night, breathing for the first time, this is where we say goodbye,
 its fare to say you became that guy.
The only one who tried to change me and make me your idea of right.
This is my last goodbye.

Its just who i am.

'm at peace with the world I live in, at peace with how I was brought up in it. If giving another life, I would pass it up in a minute. There was talk I'd be just like you, a life made for those living in a disastrous zoo. I held on to a passion, my grasp only grew with less compassion. That night with the Devil was the first of many selfish transactions. Through the years my only option was to keep walking, with my head held high. My only destination was the clouds, then the sky. To set oneself free was once a wish, a fantasy. Chased a dream till woken up, realizing its all make believe. In real life they wash off the makeup, put away costumes; that so effortlessly conceal their demise. Some people smile, but too many cry. Its like trying on feeling as if shopping for shoes in a store. Always expecting nothing, but wanting more. I've never taken the good with the bad. Why should I suffer from another s hands. I may be stubborn, a little crazy, but at least I can say that I am the one who made me. I don't care what people say, I don't consume myself with their words; I trust myself, not what they want to make of me, I control my destiny, and I'm the only one who will make the best of me. - forgive all but never forget, after all memories are there for a reason. I will carry on with happiness heart and soul. I will not worry, because I'm the one in control. This paper and this pen, who are you to judge, because this is all that I am.

Little Witch.

  You start by saying I'm clinacally insane, but baby were one in the same. Fire consumes our dark and lonely lives, stone cold, our hearts coffin, as it lay there getting old. In a deep sea of regret we sail to the end. Not to mend, were taking our sails all the way to the very edge. As bullets rain from the sky, their only destination, these blood filled eyes. I'd rather smile then love with my disguise, I'm sorry your just not my Mr. Right.
     
Well I'm sorry, but your perfect misses wrong, I've known it all along, you were a perfect mystake right from the start, somehow you cast a memorable spell, a talented little witch with the heart of a devil bitch. Your claws stab at my chest, you suck the life out of me. You've left me with this disease, you've stained me the blackest of black. I'm afraid its because of you that I wont go back.
    
 Im your desease, you cant get rid of me, I've tainted you, broke you and made you mine. I've ripped out your heart and posted it upon a stake. So now you see me, your perfect little mystake. I fell out of love just as fast as you made me fall from the sky, so I went with the next guy. It was all part of my little game, to break your heart and make you feel my pain.
   
 Your on to the next, I can honestly say, the day you  left, was the very day, I was blessed by the heavens, for sending you to hell. where your soul deserves to sit, rot and be forgotten, in a dark and lonely way. I hope it terrifies you day to day, hope its never ending, so that it is you that finally feels my pain.

Goodbye.

You think im stupid, little did you know i was born to be ruthless,
I know my heart, i know where the truth is, get over yourself, 

This isnt it, i have more to say...wait why waste my precious time with these silly heartbreak rhymes, 

Not worth the paper i scribble the hatred on, not worth the eyes ive cast upon you, time i find someone who is better,

Not going to be hard to find someone new, someone different, stronger and more of a man then you.

You make me sick, im done with this shit, its time i dry the tears i have cried and more then ever get on with my life...goodbye.

The Dawn of my sunshine.

Edit

The Dawn of my sunshine.

by Samantha Johnson on Monday, July 4, 2011 at 11:44pm

Back to the start my friends
Where it all began,
Back in time when i shared what was only mine,
i carried a very selfish mind.
I trusted only me, and never dismissed the necessities, knew when God had befriended me.
Fought to be seen, eat and stay away from greed, making sure this wasn't apart of me.

My mother is strong and considerably smart,
she's a hard worker and knows that music is art,
she's beautiful, sharp and fast, always determined never to be matched,
she makes every second count and every moment last.

My father not so much, never had that daddy touch,
found instead of his daughter, he loved the sight of an empty bottle.
I cope though, even though he's a no show, teach myself to be strong,
understand..... that maybe its just hard for him to be a man,
I carried myself on stilts across the sand,
and never reached out for someone else's hand, tought myself to be a woman.

Foster care, more like no care.
stopped counting the times i had to start over, three or four months then,
boom, game over, time to pack up and move on over.
always been able to accept change and restart my life,i've always been lucky,
i thank God for his sacrifice, i certainly had a savor, and id be happy to return the favor.

Someone was once taken from me, someone reached down and stole her beautiful soul.
something that could have been prevented, someone could have controlled.
I will never be the same, she will always be the sunshine that came after the rain.
A true saint.
Told me i could be anything, fed everyone on the streets,
her Christmas dinner was the place to be.

She gave me happiness and the best of my memories,
i strive to be the person i am because of that special friend.
I am a strong and independent person, because she told me it was my purpose.
To have my own goals, not to listen to everything i am told, and never to be cold.

To embrace the world around me for its ever changing ways,
that life can be hard but everything will be ok.
Thank you for showing me my world,
your the reason i am at peace with my world
The reason i live in the world that i am in, and reason ill love her even when it ends.


Dedicated to Dawn Paradise
A loving mother, teacher, worker,
and the most valued person that graced the entirety of my life.

- Samantha Johnson

Light

Sunset has transpired, and the nights breath gently sighs, as the moon and stars glow, and sparkle, in black skies.

Where the eagles soar high, threw bright blue skies, and where the sunshine has reborn, into a new day, Beyond the sunset, Beyond this night, without regret, its me seeking new light.

To someone special..

I used to think about the times we tried to get it right, without you all those sleepless nights, we were so good we were so tight.  Everyday i made myself afraid to say the things that burn a hole in my mind,just thinking the price ill pay to say goodbye. 

Like walking a hundred shoeless miles, with you as a distant thought in my memory, now your someone elses fond testimony.

With you the desert brought water, endless tables of lobster, love with out bothers, you could have been a father with a lovely son or daughter. once you gave me seeds to grow my own flowers, your a common drugim addicted to, the feeling of you, quit cold turkey, made to change the way i look at life without you.

Its pitiful agonizing and painful, but i can move on a be thankful, to have been yours and found in love its ok to be playful.  You used to sell guns, for drugs, to sell to  anyone, little kids who forgot to live and the mother that for drugs anything she would give. countless lies more goodbyes, endless party nights made you a powerful guy, but you changed your life put all that behind.

Now the thought of you makes me sick, for the record it wasn't the sex it was shit, try growing a dick you son of a bitch.  Too bad you brought out the best in me, gave me the need to be the only girl in your dreams, little did i know this would be a nightmare, everything you ever said with no care.  

its fare to say i have paid the price of a willing life, forced to move on, my love could never go on, and maybe never loved one, but i take this day as i triumph over you and compel those around you to be better then you.  live your life and be happy with her, she's better then me? must be pure, has that cure for your soul, she as i have will pay the toll, for loving you is too hard to control, im over and done guess you had your fun, its time to dry the tears i have cried andmore then ever get on with my life ...goodbye.

-Samantha

Reality more and more

On the other side of the glass i don't recognize the face staring back at me, with wilted eyes shes so sad, but to the people walking past, shes just a pretty face and a smile that she makes last..

But if they only knew the pain that grew..

You cant see threw the glass, just like others that shall pass, because things so true to you are blinding threw and threw.

It seems some time goes by, this girl i see thought to cry, but she held her tears back, and put on her smile she makes last. But if they only knew the pain that grew.

Suddenly i see opening doors, the wind on my face as the winter warms, child's laughter and mothers scorns, reality more and more.  I say to the girl who enters the bus, i as many other occupy,  you can sit here, last seat available, reality more and more, but to the people present and past, shes just a pretty face and a smile she forces to last.

I take my seat, and in ways thank myself, one seat available, reality more and more, i felt the need to cry, but i held back my tears and put on my smile i so effortlessly make last.  but if they only knew the pain in me that grew, i see opening doors, time to go home, reality more and more.

-Samantha

Uninvited

The feelings come uninvited, like the child in the candy store so undecided, over excited at the many possibilities, wish i could have said stay, just one more day, as i ponder why, decide to pray, just this one time for you to be mine.

Perfect isn't real, Ive searched far and wide, facing the highest of all tides, and came up empty, confused and desire less, trying harder then ever before not to become careless, in turn left defenseless.

Ive tried so many times, to reveal the truest of me, i did my best to hide the pain and tear that i have shed, wish it would subside these feelings that i have once bled.

I wish to be the girl of your dreams, but you believe that girl isn't me, one day you will see that its me and always will be,begging for you to see me who i truly am, a girl who would do anything for you a special man.

Freedom is a wish..

Somewhere in the world someone is making a wish, to be freed, have something to eat or 

just to rise from there knees, some for selfish, jealous needs,

some wish for health, prosperity and wealth, it all seems new to me..

As her wings flourish the flames of hope are extinguished, leaving no room for life's light to be distinguished.

We think we're growing stronger, but with each step the nights have grown longer.

We're blinding slipping from grace, as we spit in God's face. Don't worry this is just a bad dream..this can't really be me.

Somewhere in the world someone is making a wish,of selflessness, caring and compassion, to help someone else who's wishes weren't answered, replacing hatred with passion.

Tonight as I lay alone, I will dream, of freedom from this cage I allow to be captive in, I wish that I am granted strength, and courage lord, so i can overcome this final task, to unveil and scrape away this faceless mask, so i can see clearly and breath deeply into life's adventures, for that i will forever be remembered, its true..freedom is a wish.

Samantha

Nobody's Daughter

My eyes are my own, all i have seen, the blackest skies beneath, the never ending star filled nights seem to last forever, in contempt i keep myself, building a shelf that will someday hold my life. 

I have paced these aisles, have counted the miles, but just wanted to be a child. Shoudnt have had to be the mothers mother, playing the father and wishing for an older brother, waiting for hours sometimes days, sitting there i preyed for the day the happiness was here to stay.

She talks to anyone, in her mind one day they would be a friend, doesn't see that they all want out and a quick in. no strings attached she wont be there last, just wanted love, never judges by a jury and giving all these worries that scurry back and forth through the mind, the type, the kind, that make her want to burn the mother fuckers down for stealing her precious time.

You cant make her, break her because shes free, she wont spend another minute on her knees begging for you to forgive her, its time she makes you quiver, make you see how hard it is to live here, in this world as hard as it is just to live.

In a place that never feels like home, nothing owned, just owed and told to go on everyday and pretend everything is ok, learning to let go of the past, that is still behind me and everyday comes back, i was the little girl who held the world in my hands, 

nobody's daughter.

A Beautiful Maze.

      Just look at what life's become; like a gun, eight rounds in the ground and still can't be found.  I spend my time coming up with rhymes in my mind, me pen never dies, all these words are my own,and possibly all i have ever known.  Coffee and cigarettes are devilishly good regrets that's essential to a poet. The pen takes me away from the stress of the day, to a place i can only go and none  will never ever know the sky isn't actually blue,this is true, it is black without an end, in space where time began. 

      I will blindly swallow a brilliance unknown, to those who casually ignore I will provide a dark but wonderful truth. ignitions hitting and missing, when does the sun shine, why are we so blind. I am the type, the quiet kind. unveil the cause and effect, who will they choose next to infect, with their minds implanting lies, when sympathy cries,  a truth with test and desires, there's something we all admire, in the midst we set a fire inside the heart, rip and tear it apart, set ablaze, a conscious mind what a beautiful maze.

  -  Samantha Johnson